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SO JOAN HAS ANOTHER BOOK OF MEMOIRS OUT, AND DURING AN INTERVIEW WITH THE DAILY MAIL, SHE WAS ASKED TO CLARIFY SOME OF HER FEELINGS ON CERTAIN THINGS. SORRY ANYONE WHO LOVES RONNIE AND THATCHER CAN GET FUCKED. NAH, SHE’D LOVE IT.

On ladies dressing like Kurt Cobain: “I don’t do grunge. Any woman over a certain age should not be grungy. You must make yourself look the way you would like the world to think about you.”

On how only Justin Bieber should wear a shift dress: “All women look awful in shift dresses, even Nicole Kidman. You’ve gotta be totally titless for them to work.”

On still using the term “chinaman” to describe Asians: “Apparently that is rude and I am supposed to say Asian. Gah. Since when? ‘Look. I know that people will blame me for pontificating about things that an actress shouldn’t, but I have something to say, something that I think a lot of people will agree with. Things that they might be frightened to say because it is politically incorrect to do so.”

On her calling fat people “orca-sized oafs from planet girth” means she hates them: ‘ “Loathe fat people? Did that come across? I certainly don’t admire them. They are digging their graves with their own teeth. I think to be terribly overweight is incredibly unhealthy. And how do they get into a tiny lavatory on a plane? I feel sorry for them, I do.”

On if it’s true that she and Warren Beatty wet humped each other 7 times a day: “Maybe he did, but I just lay there.”

On how she was date raped by her first husband Maxwell Reed: “He took me to a place called the Country Club in Hanover Square. We walked up lots of stairs to a small, candle-lit apartment where he asked me what I wanted to drink and gave me a rum and Coke. It was a Mickey Finn. I was drugged. You must think I am a moron. Oh, this is such a horrible story. He said: ‘I am going to have a bath,’ which I thought was very strange. He then said: ‘Take a look at this book, I think you will find it interesting.’ ‘Of course, it was full of disgusting, pornographic photographs. Now, any smart girl today would have got out of there and run down those stairs faster than a speeding bullet, but not little innocent, stupid Joan Collins, who stayed there and looked at the book. The next thing I knew, I was on the sofa and that was it. Then I was throwing up into a bucket.”

On politics today: “I feel very pessimistic about the world, I really do. Where are the leaders? Where is our Franklin Roosevelt, or our Winston Churchill? Maggie Thatcher and Ronald Reagan were fantastic, particularly Maggie. We haven’t got anyone like that.”

RIGHT. I FEEL DIRTY. LET US NOW WATCH LINDA EVANS KICK THE SHIT OUT OF HER………