READ – Pringles May Cause Anal Leakage – For Sure.
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Originally Posted: Mon, 17 Jul 02:10 PDT
DO NOT EAT PRINGLES FAT FREE POTATO CHIPS. THEY WILL GREASE YOUR ASS.
Date: 2006-07-17, 2:10AM PDT
Don’t even fucking say a word. I like potato chips, and can’t eat them very much or I’ll get fat.
I tried out these Pringles Fat-Free chips because they were super low-cal. BBQ flavor. the fuck.
The can said they had 70 calories per serving, which meant the whole can had 490 calories inside total. I could munch through a can in a day with my lunch, dinner, etc. So I got several cans, and began enjoying one a day for the past four days. But what they dont fucking tell you…
Except in tiny print you cant read without a fucking electron microscope
…is that the primary ingredient is something called “olean” which I have since learned is Latin for “Unwashable & Indestructible Ass Grease.”
Oh Yeah. I’m not even kidding.
So today, while I’m standing in the living room debating whether or not Laundry or Dishes will get done first, I get the urge to fart. I live alone, so sweet. I let the honk loose and its wrong. Something just sounded wrong. I know my own wind, and I have never farted a sound that sounded like a fart wrapped in a pillow.
Oh yes, something was very wrong. I had just shat myself. But this evil olean makes shitting yourself sound almost like a regular fart, and had I not been particularly attentive, it could easily have gone unnoticed, I’m telling you. THAT’s how utterly covert and evil this olean stuff is. What the fuck?! What if I’d gone out to hang with friends or gone for a drive, what then?
So I walk carefully to the bathroom and disrobe. before I even sit on the toilet, I wad paper and carefully wipe from the front. Sure enough, it was light brown, and had the texture of soft spackle. You fucking Pringle bastards.
I sat down and pushed a bit, and lo, out came a jet that I didnt even feel an urge for one minute earlier. It piled in the bowl like brown marshmallow fluff.
The problem rose when I tried to wipe. I went through a whole fucking roll of TP and could not get it all off me. So.
I jumped in the shower. Yep, its gross, but it had to be done. There I stood, water pouring down, cheeks spread, and using my own hand to make certain I’m clean.
That was when I discovered that after using my hand to wipe myself (before I soaped the area) my hand came back covered in some sort of transparent grease. It was so fucking foul. The grease made water bead off my hand. It was tacky too, and very difficult to manage.
So I grabbed the bar of saop and went to work.
You fucking Pringle bastards.
The bar of soap came away coated in grease as well, and would no longer wash. I had to turn the water to hot and massage the soap for five minutes to get it to the point where I could use it again. It took me an hour to get the fucking grease off my pucker. I shudder to think of what its doing INSIDE ME right now, but I will damned sure never eat that shit again.
Fucking Pringle bastards.
This is where the joke about “anal leakage” came from. its real. Fuck Pringles.
Olestra was approved by the Food and Drug Administration for use as a food additive in 1996, and was initially used in potato chips under the WOW brand by Frito Lay. In 1998, the first year olestra products were marketed nationally after the FDA’s Food Advisory Committee confirmed a judgment it made two years earlier, sales were over $400 million.[6] By 2000, though, sales slowed to $200 million, largely caused by the unappealing side effects described on the FDA-mandated health warning label “This Product Contains Olestra. Olestra may cause abdominal cramping and loose stools. Olestra inhibits the absorption of some vitamins and other nutrients. Vitamins A, D, E, and K have been added.”[7]
This symptom (normally occurring only by excessive consumption in a short period of time, or in disease) is known as steatorrhea. Sales were so slow, P&G abandoned attempts to widen the uses of olestra, and sold off their Cincinnati-based factory to Twin Rivers Technologies in February 2002.[4]
The FDA removed the warning requirement in 2003, as it had “conducted a scientific review of several post-market studies submitted by P&G, as well as adverse event reports submitted by P&G and the Center for Science in the Public Interest. The FDA concluded the label statement was no longer warranted”,[5] in spite of having received over 20,000 complaints.[8] When removing the olestra warning label, the FDA cited a six-week P&G study of more than 3000 people showing the olestra-eating group experienced only a small increase in bowel movement frequency compared to the control group.[5]
P&G also worked hard in its publicity campaigns to highlight the positives of the additive, including working directly with the health-care community.[9] In addition to the popular culture disapproval of the product, many consumers simply did not see the speedy results for which they had hoped from a product they saw as being a cure-all, because olestra only addressed the fat component of the overall dietary pattern of Americans. Foods containing olestra do not contain calories from fats, and many Americans believed they could eat more of them to compensate for the fat calories “saved”.[10] Eating olestra chips was not a particularly effective way to improve one’s diet overall.
Olestra is banned in many countries, including the United Kingdom and Canada
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Fuck americans are stoopid! try eating some fruit and only three times a day and maybe even go for a walk, less fat does not mean eat more…. sheesh… super funny though!!!!!!